The Simon Factor

If you haven’t heard of Simon Cowell by now, he’s the tough talking acerbic judge on the hugely popular television show American Idol and his own talent show in England called the X Factor.  Simon is known for his callous comments which at times can be downright rude, even though he often preempts what he says with “I don’t mean to be rude…”.   So why do the contestants that are being judged seem to put so much weight into what Simon says?  Probably why most people wait to hear his assessment – he speaks his truth.   His communication style is not always constructive as he says what is on his mind without much editing, positive or negative.  And because he is so brutally truthful, that seems to make the praise he doles out worth it to those being judged. 

In the real world, how often do you speak your truth?  Do you withhold what you are thinking or feeling to protect others?  Do you speak your truth without editing to get heard?  Both are extreme communication styles. If you find it difficult to speak your truth to important people in your life or in business, consider how safe it was a child to express your feelings.  Were your feelings honored or ignored in your family?  If you find yourself in sticky situations because you blurt out your truth without tact, reflect on how you got heard in your family.  Perhaps you had to become loud to get heard, or your parents modeled expressive, degrading communication.  Whatever you experienced in the past has an effect on how you communicate and relate today.  

If you are at either end of the spectrum of speaking your truth, you can begin to change this dynamic to create the opportunity to be heard. If you are withholding your feelings, you’re not being heard.  If you are blurting out your truth without consideration for others, you are also not getting heard as others may not take you seriously. To move yourself out of the two opposite communication styles of passive being quiet and aggressive-being bluntly direct, you can express yourself in a clear, adult manner utilizing this easy three step process;   

1. When you__________ or this situation________ happens/happened
2. I feel/felt _____
3. I need you to/not to___________

If the recipient changes the subject or gets defensive, name that and repeat the three steps, requesting to be heard.  If you hit a wall, use the three step process to express your frustration, disappointment, anger or whatever you are feeling. The benefits of speaking up for yourself and your feelings in a clear, concise manner are immense.   When you are true to yourself, your inner sense of well being and self esteem increases because you are in integrity with yourself and your soul.  Speak clearly, get heard and take yourself from zero to hero, as Simon says!